It is an unusual thing for me not to talk to my parents at least once a week. I believe the words “you would not believe the pressure I’m dealing with right now, it’s insane” came out during our conversation. Dad even said “I miss you” which is ironic considering I live so close to them now. And as I’ve shut myself off from my family, I learn that my brother is having some complications with the bastard that is Crohn’s. Mom played it down but there was an eerie tone to her voice. And that’s all she said. Mom has been known to hold information from me in fear of distracting me from school. Hmm…Collin…what do I have to complain about anymore? I wish I had his abilities to deal with or just completely block out demons of stress. At least that’s what it seems like he does.
The phone call was short lived as they were at Ravinia enjoying the Norwegian Chamber Orchestra with Leif Ove Andsnes and I was chillin’ at home watching The Real World E! True Hollywood Story.
Yes, that’s called a very wide generation gap.
But I say I feel great about my evening activity, not because I feel like I need to justify watching E! but because I got to chill out today. Slept for 11+ hours. Totally blew off work. Put some steaks on the grill. I really needed that, because I have been walking like a drunken clown on the edge of being burned out for the past week or so.
I called in sick at work just so I could work on my final film. I don’t feel the least bit guilty about that because #1. I told my employers a long time ago that school is my #1 priority and #2. I really was sick from sleep deprivation and stress. This filmmaking thing…is very stressful. The actual production phase of it is at least. Although I bet it’s better when you’ve got an actual crew to help you out with things. Or maybe it’s even more stressful because there is a lot of money on the line as opposed to a grade. But I do know that my driving force behind me while working on this film hasn’t been a grade or a deadline, necessarily. It’s been that I wanted to make a cool film and not waste my time on a bullshit idea. I think this story that Luke and I did for this film is a really good idea and as I wrap on my rough cut tomorrow, I’ll see if I really executed on that idea.
Actually, I realize now I could have used some more time to get to this point and get some pickup shots for some missing links…or fuzzy links rather in the story. I need to work on my procrastinator style of things, although my friends I’ve been working with love to work in this style too and I think we’re better friends because of it. Either way I still believe that you can’t rush inspiration…you have to let the rush inspire you.
I was just listening to The Postal Service - Recycled Air