kevin barnett

Another wedding for the books. This time it’s my old friend Mike and my even older friend (the little sister I used to pick on) Erin. I arrived in Freeport under similar circumstances to Erin’s brother’s wedding last year (late, having to get my tux the next morning). It appears that I am no longer an expert on Houston driving and judging traffic patterns. However, the only thing I had missed was determing “right hand over left” so Erin wasn’t angry (I knew Mike was cool with my tardiness).

The rehearsal went well and the rehearsal dinner went even better. It had been a long, long time since I had been served amateur Texas BBQ which is almost always better than what you can get at a BBQ joint. Pounds and pounds of smoked brisket, sausage, bacon wrapped shrimp, jalapeno stuffed chicken, potato salad, beans and the usual fixin’s were served up for all of us. The phrase happy as a pig in shit comes to mind.

Follow that with a night of throwing back a few cold ones and telling some tall tales with the Cravey’s hit the spot. There are many things you can’t get anywhere else but Freeport, TX.

Another one of those things is a Hippo breakfast burrito from Lupita’s Mexican Bakery. It’s a hearty burrito stuffed with egg, potato, bacon, chorizo and cheese with salsa served on the side. The groomsmen + the groom all met up for this classic Freeport brunch and stuffed our faces. I wanted to eat five but could only finish one.

The ceremony went off without a hitch. Yes, Ava was upset she couldn’t stand with mom and dad (bridesmaid and groomsman) and yes, hardly anyone’s tux fit that well (most were too big). But there were nothing but smiles from those of us up on the alter and those in the audience. It was fun having my parents in the audience as well as several other familiar faces most of whom I remembered.

At the reception, there were some I could not remember and I can only claim time and murdered brain cells as an excuse. The reception was fun - I didn’t do any dancing and spent most of the time visiting with old classmates, teachers, friends’ parents and the wedding party. I must give a shout out to Stevan, the co-best man who kept it classy the rest of the evening.

The best speech was delivered by one of the bridesmaids who made the co-best men look like amateurs. But it was a live-and-let-go evening and nothing - absolutely nothing - could spoil the mood. We sent off the bride and groom to their multi-phased honeymoon: a night in Houston, a few nights in Las Vegas and a longer stay in Jamaica.

I’m looking forward to seeing some of the professional photos of the wedding but in the meantime, I’ve got some of the pictures I shot up on Flickr.

I was just listening to Van Morrison - And It Stoned Me

Michel Gondry, a true mad-scientist filmmaker, is shooting his next film - Be Kind, Rewind - in Passaic, NJ. In this response to NYMag’s article picking on the locals or Gondry - I’m not sure which - he details the premise of the film:

This story portrays two clerks (Jack Black and Mos Def) who erase, by mistake, all the videos in the store, while their boss (Danny Glover) is away. To cover up the catastrophe, and continue the business, they re-shoot all the movies themselves, playing all the parts.

The store clerks have to construct period flat cars with historical re-creation, transform a washing machine into a space ship for the space odyssey, capture a wild cat with garland beam guns in a fridge for Ghostbusters, etc. They are assisted in these recreations by the locales of the neighborhood.

I almost spit my iced coffee all over myself reading the description of the Ghostbusters scene. GENIUS!

The following paragraph was also particulary interesting to me, knowing a little (really, just a little) about how Hollywood filmmaking operates:

To find realistic people from the neighborhood, we had the idea to turn to the real Passaic inhabitants. Nice people, going with their life that has not much to do with the film industry which makes them special in my eyes. That seems an obvious and easy idea. Well, it’s not. Let me explain why: the film industry is extremely protected by numerous circles and organizations whose only goal is make sure you won’t employ anyone out of those circles. In short, this makes it next to impossible to put a fresh face/voice in front of the camera and without a pre-conceived idea how to act. This pre-conceived idea ruins what I am trying to capture on film.

Being able to make a Hollywood film, and I’m talking about the really bad ones, is no small feat. Making an independent film and getting Hollywood to buy into it is a miracle. Making a film in Hollywood but doing it independently means, simply, that you’ve joined the ranks of badass filmmakers. Gondry is certainly among them.

Speaking of badass filmmakers, the best episode (so far) of Iconoclasts aired last week featuring Quentin Tarantino and Fiona Apple hanging out in Austin, TX. Fiona isn’t the crazy person she made everyone think she was and Quentin says something deeply profound:

I don’t really want to see movies from people that can’t get it up anymore, and I don’t really want to make movies if I can’t get it up anymore.

I was just listening to U2 - Bullet The Blue Sky

Steve Ballmer proves that he will remain the polar un-cool opposite to Steve Jobs in his interview with BusinessWeek about Zune, Microsoft’s “iPod Killer” which was released today:

“I want to squirt you a picture of my kids. You want to squirt me back a video of your vacation. That’s a software experience.”

That’s definitely a software experience. Though the description sounds similar to software experiences the FBI frowns upon.

I’m going to make a prediction about the Zune. I think it’s gonna flop. And not because Ballmer is a joke when it comes to attempting to create reality-distortion fields of the Steve Jobs kind. Zunes are going to stay on the shelves because everyone knows that software experiences created by Microsoft are created with the same mindset as Word and Excel. In a word, it’s boring.

I guess there will be those who think it’s cool that the Zune will talk with the Xbox 360 via Wi-Fi. That is cool, in theory, but when it comes to real-world experiences, who really cares? Who manages their music library on their XBox? Who plays music through their Xbox?

It’s just another attempt by Microsoft, Creative, etc. to create a device that operates like a PC. PCs are barely manageable even when they’re working properly. Putting that functionality in a small handheld only enlarges the problem of usability.

To think that a device will sell well because it literally has the kitchen sink in it is ignorant. Because people want their music devices to play music. And maybe play some videos. Games are always fun. But I haven’t once wanted to “squirt” pictures to my friends on a handheld device, especially one that can’t take pictures in the first place.

But what do I know, right? I know Zune has some social networking capabilities built into it so maybe it really will be the “Myspace of mp3 players” and be extremely successful even though the product sucks. I’m not holding my breath.

*Update: Engadget agrees.

In case the “squirt” quote wasn’t enough, here’s a clip via YouTube which shows the Dao of Steve in action (try not to get hit by the body sweat):

My father was in town and treated me and the roomie to dinner at Mesa Grill. Watching Bobby Flay on television usually rubs me the wrong way but now I know his food does not. This is the restaurant that really put him on the culinary scene map and I can see why; food, service and decor was superb. I’ve heard that Mesa Grill isn’t what it used to be which I’m finding is typical of most post-hype New York restaurants, clubs, etc. But I’m fine with coming late to that party.

The food was all very familiar, especially after watching him countless times on Iron Chef, etc. You know the formula: take something like duck, beef, pork, fish, etc. - apply southwestern thematic ingredients (citrus, chilis, etc.) and serve it on top of a flavorful orange and/or green sauce, typically made from chilis. Yes it seems redundant but damn it if it’s not incredibly delicious.

However, I do take exception with my main course: Venison Chops with Toasted Almond Mole. I have this habit of ordering the most “exotic” offering(s) on the menu - some of my friends have a nicknamed me “sweetbreads” because of it. I’ve had venison before but it’s always been prepared in a home of hunters and not in a restaurant. I can’t say this was my favorite experience with venison. I ordered it medium-rare which was wise because it was still tough and chewy on the ends. I am also a LOVER of mole (looking forward to eating Thanksgiving turkey with - you guessed it - mole) but this one was on the absent-flavor side.

However, I still enjoyed my meal. The appetizer, a blue-corn pancake with duck, habanero chili sauce and star anise sauce (see what I mean?) was fantastic as were the rest of the appetizers on the table (goat cheese queso fundido and oyster salad). And the chile relleno I ordered on side: the best I’ve ever had. The other entrees I tasted were killer and the desserts prepared by pastry chef Vicki Wells were sinful.

I left with a food high which is my way of knowing I’d go back. I just won’t order the venison next time. Never fear, Chicago - I still prefer to dine at Topolobampo…

I was just listening to …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - Wasted State of Mind

Looking at the renderings of the imagined $1.5 billion upgrade to Coney Island, it reminds me of the Jaws billboard in Back To The Future II where the holographic shark jumps out of the billboard and tries to eat Marty McFly on the street.

Inconceivable? Not quite. In BTTF II, Marty travels to the year 2015. The proposed Coney Island project would finish in 2010 or 2011. So, it would seem that we’re not too far off from “the future”. Now I feel old…but in a cool way.

My only question is, what improvements will be made to the “Shoot The Freak” amusement? Hopefully, none at all. Some things are better left alone, as shown in this amateur tourist video:

From Sunday’s NYTimes:

How to Be Funny When You Are Incredibly Good-Looking
By Paul Rudd, actor, ‘The 40-Year-Old Virgin’

Comedy has always imperiled the attractive. Don’t think I don’t know it. Yet what rarefied air! To go where eagles soar. The greats: Grant. Beatty. Redford. The master classes: ‘Bringing Up Baby.’ ‘Shampoo.’ ‘Barefoot in the Park.’ Still, lest you fly too close to the sun, mind the wing-melting failures: ‘Operation Petticoat.’ ‘Ishtar.’ ‘Legal Eagles.’

Alphas, I give you reason to rejoice! After years of study, I have come up with a near-foolproof guide for those, like me, who bear the unwished-for burden of physical near-perfection.

1. Do a silly dance every once in a while so people think you don’t take yourself too seriously. (Once, in an audition, I threw caution to the wind and danced an impromptu ‘Macarena.’ Yes, I lost the role of Oskar Schindler, but I gained the respect of an industry.)

2. One thing you can control is how to wear your hair. A funny haircut can make a gorgeous person look almost average. Example: George Clooney on ‘Roseanne.’

3. Fight the urge to dress in tight clothing. We know we look good, but remember: sleeveless T-shirts = not funny. M.C. Hammer pants = funny.

4. Here’s one for the boys: Let yourself get kicked in the groin. If Zeppo Marx had taken one to the groin just once, it would have been a completely different story, believe me.

5. Don’t be afraid to manufacture a flaw. Hugh Grant’s affected stammer, for example. Or the famed pratfalls of Chevy Chase, which led a nation to wonder, Yes, he is a hottie ‘ but does he have some horrible inner-ear problem?

6. In the same vein, spit takes and flatulence are always funny, regardless of how chiseled your chin or glutes.

7. Try alcohol to break down those inhibitions and see where that takes you. Who’s better looking, Jerry Lewis or Dean Martin? Got it? O.K., now who was more drunk? Exactly.

8. Finally, if all else fails, just be ugly inside. You’ll be surprised at the results!

To be extremely good-looking and funny may be hard, but it can be done. Look at me. In some circles I’m referred to as the ’seventh Friend,’ and I’m way better-looking than anyone on that show. If you’re ugly, pay no heed to these chestnuts and relish your unfair natural advantage. But to all you foxes out there, study closely, and who knows? With a little luck you just might be the next Alan Thicke.

I was just listening to Duran Duran - Hold Back The Rain